Life has been busy the past couple of weeks. The way that I think about food has changed completely. Baking something just for fun seems wrong and even harmful. Food is no longer a source of entertainment and pleasure but rather it is a source of stress and conflict.
Two weeks ago I spent the weekend in the hospital with my husband as he was diagnosed and treated for Type I Diabetes. He is an otherwise healthy and very fit man and so the shock of this completely blind-siding news is still sinking in. He has a brother with the same disease, but we were still in denial of all of the classic symptoms.
While I am very grateful that this is a manageable disease, it is still a lot to take in and a complete lifestyle change that we will be adapting to for awhile. I am still immediately worried sick when I see his face get pale and his hands begin to shake when he is experiencing “a low”. And I am trying so hard not to panic when his blood sugar is unexpectedly high even with our best efforts toward carbohydrate calculation. I still wince when he lifts his shirt and I see bruises from the injections he gives himself 4-5 times per day. I am so desperate for my favorite hobby of baking, but it feels so wrong to even have baked goods in the house to tempt him right now.
I am so very thankful and feel so blessed to have such an amazing support system of family and friends. Shared recipes, cookbooks and advice have been so helpful and the phone calls just to check in and see how we are doing have been comforting beyond belief.
Immediately when I found out about this illness that we will live with every day of the rest of our lives, one of my first thoughts was that I was done with the blog. But the more i understand how food is not poison or a reason for punishment for him, I am reminded of the “everything in moderation” philosophy. I will still bake, but now I will use recipe nutrition calculators to determine how many carbohydrate a cookie or a muffin has so that he can account for the additional carbohydrates and still enjoy a treat once in awhile. I will not give up my creative outlet, but my process may change slightly.
Thank you for allowing me to share this with you. Writing is so therapeutic to me and it feels so good to get my feelings out there.